I’m struggling to understand how I’m expected to grow into a lead role when my opportunities to engage meaningfully are limited.
From a professional perspective:
I’ve been advised not to ask team members how they are approaching problems or what strategies they’re using. Without these discussions, it’s difficult for me to understand how the team thinks and solves problems, or how I can effectively collaborate and support them.
I’m not expected to review or comment on coworkers’ pull requests, even when I’m explicitly tagged as a reviewer. In my previous organization, senior engineers conducted detailed reviews, and leads provided a final high-level review. That process helped ensure alignment and mentorship, which feels absent here.
When engineers present demos or proof-of-concepts to the team, I’ve been instructed by my manager to remain silent and not offer feedback, opinions, or suggestions unless explicitly asked. I’ve followed this guidance and have stayed silent in nearly every meeting for the past six months. However, I later received feedback from my manager that I have “too much attitude” and that I only speak when called upon, which feels contradictory to the earlier direction.
From a personal perspective:
I’m discouraged from proactively checking in on colleagues or offering help outside of work-related tasks (for example, offering support to a teammate who lives nearby during a personal emergency). This further limits opportunities to build trust and rapport.
Questions:
In this environment, how else can I build genuine relationships within the team?
How to demonstrate mentorship, collaboration, and leadership skills required for promotion?
what ideal qualities senior engineers or leads are expected to show readiness for a lead role?